No more Irish car bombs ever.
i came on her dog
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
