Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Actions speak louder than pants.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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