My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
