i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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