I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am mentally ready for anal.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
