i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
