apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
