you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He told me they were just razor bumps!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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