from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There r osticjed everywhere
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
