Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
