Swine flu. Run for my life!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Panties = found
Randomize
