i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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