Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
