You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
