I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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