I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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