Acid is not a monday night drug
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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