my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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