Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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