"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
