There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
