The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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