Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
