How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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