I hate all girls vehemently.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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