i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
MIDGETS
????
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
