hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize