were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
