you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
