I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
