my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
