i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
