textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
