I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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