Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
