I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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