some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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