She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.