Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
