Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
someone owes me an orgasm
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
