Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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