Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
