At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
