Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
