well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
