I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
