Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
