Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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