I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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