I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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