I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
