we're blogging at a bar
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
