You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
