Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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