i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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