he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
