Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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