yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
