Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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