I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
