I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
