dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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