Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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