I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
