I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
