I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize