Buhtt sex?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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