I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
