dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
