If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
