if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
