"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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