it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
