You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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