Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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