i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize